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Other Candidates For The Browns' Head Coach

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to some of the names being bandied around as possible new head coach for the Browns. Mangini and Shanahan are definitely qualified, but I have some other folks that we shouldn’t forget:

Herman Boone

Herman Boone

Pros: Takes no prisoners. He’s a united, not a divider. Doesn’t play favorites.

Cons: Evidently thinks water is for cowards.

Tony D’Amato


Pros: Tony D’Amato clearly was a good talent evaluator – he had a strong bench that includes a third-string All-Pro in Willie Beaman. He has the tenacity and drive that we need.

Cons: Seems to like the warmer weather of the South.

Lambeau Fields


Pros: As the worst coach in the history of sports, he is the best at it. Besides, after Romeo Crennel, can anyone REALLY be worse?

Cons: Um, worst coach in history of sports.

Coach Klein


Pros: Great strategist and play designer. Amazing offensive coordinator.

Cons: Bit of a cross dresser. Totally nuts.

Jack Lengyel


Pros: Built new program completely from scratch. Brought community together after tragedy. Beats Xavier.

Cons: McConaughey would violate the league’s substance abuse policy.

Bud Kilmer


Pros: Hard nosed, legendary coach who keeps his team in line and is a proven winner.

Cons: He’s a verbally abusive control freak who forces his players to take cortisone shots.



Pros: Knows how to get things. Makes good trades.

Cons: Dead.

Hayden Fox


Pros: Strong family man and good friend. Excellent motivator. Doesn’t mind the cold.

Cons: Commitment issues. No word whether Dauber would have to join as defensive coordinator.

Jimmy McGinty


Pros: Puts together a successful team after a strike ends the season. Fights hard for his team.

Cons: Benches Falco for Martel. I mean, c’mon!?

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